Faith is a funny thing. It’s elusive. It’s fickle. But it’s magical.
Whether its faith in a higher power or faith that things will get better, sticking to that optimistic belief can be a struggle. Today is a struggle for me.
I feel like despite my best efforts, 2012 & I haven’t started out on the right foot. I let myself believe that the New Year would bring instant changes & breathe a new life of optimism in me. I’m an optimist, idealist & romantic for the most part. I thought at the stroke of midnight, my luck would change & I would find peace & happiness.
What I forgot about is patience. I have to be patient.
The stroke of midnight didn’t change the situation between my ex & I & our house. How could it? We’re stuck between a rock & a hard place & have finally made a serious decision after weighing all of the possible consequences. It sickens me to even speak about it.
The stroke of midnight didn’t magically make me lose the 10 lbs I gained emotionally eating over the past year & a half. That’s going to take hard work & effort. Time to put on my big girl panties, watch what I eat & hit the gym with a ferocity.
The stroke of midnight didn’t make feelings change or grow. I know what I want & I know what I deserve. No more settling, that much is for sure.
So here I sit in my own pity party filled with resentment & bitterness. I’m mad at the world. I’m angry over things out of my control. Over the past few weeks, I’ve found myself praying to a God that I’m not fully sure I believe in. I used to believe people used religion as an emotional crutch, but now I’m not so sure. What if we need a crutch sometimes to help us through our struggles? We use this physically, so why not mentally?
That’s where faith comes in. It’s not strictly a religious concept in my eyes. Yes, I believe there is a bigger plan out there & God has something greater in mind for me. But it’s also having faith that something good is going to happen. Sooner or later, the good will outweigh the bad. It’s learning patience & remaining optimistic that the tides will turn & I will find peace & happiness again.
So today, faith is taking effort. I’m constantly reminding myself that something good is right around the corner. I’m trying. I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be filled with resentment. Happiness is a conscious decision.
I just have to have a little faith.